The Green Banana Rant of 2008

That's it. We've blown it. I'm pretty sure someone's mad at us again. We American's have managed ONCE AGAIN, to piss someone off. Somewhere in the the world today, NOT HERE, but somewhere.... Someone is sitting under a tree on a white sandy beach, feeling the warm tropical breeze on their face, and is peeling back the tender, supple, yellow freckled peels of a soft, sweet BANANA! I dream of those things now. Why you ask? Well, if you're shopping at one of the many glutinous warehouse grocery stores we Americans shop in, you probably have walked over to the produce section to find this long, kelly green, crescent-shaped rocks they are trying to sell to us under the name "Banana". They are charging money for produce that is not edible for a month, if you're lucky. I typically stand there stunned. Stymied that 1) people just grab a bunch of them like normal, and/or 2) that these people are actually able to walk around after enduring stomach cramps from eating too much under-ripe fruit.
I remember as a child, that if I even reached a finger toward a banana that had the slightest green hue on the edges, my mom would scream, "You're going to get a cramp!!!"
I think this is the face of terrorism now. Tropical countries have set course to rue the day we keel over from our green banana stomach cramps, and will be laughing at our weakness. Next it will be green tomatoes.....you think I'm joking...?

HAPPY VD!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you today! For those of you who believe in love, and those who are just cynical about it, as well. It's out there, not just in the flowers and boxes of chocolate. Look in the little places. Actually, I heard something today that made sense. "Love is not a feeling. It's best expressed in a series of actions". Made sense to me. I mean, I know I'm loved when my daughter pees in her new dress, and asks me, first and foremost, to help her change her drippy clothes. She trusts me and knows I'm dependable, and knows I always have spare clothes. I know I'm loved when my son asks me in a REALLY loud voice, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN, if Saturn is going to be in the night sky tonight. He understands that I am reliable and willing to do the research for him and would NEVER, EVER say just anything just to make him stop asking. I know I'm loved when my husband leaves ALL of the shoes that he owns in the living room next to the door. He trusts that I'm agile enough to dodge most of them when I'm in a hurry to drop the kids off in the morning, and knows I'm tough enough to handle large amounts of pain when I do manage to twist my ankle on a loafer. These people trust me, they believe in me, and they leave little signs of their devotion all over the house....in the sink, on the floor, in the hamper, next to (not in!) the toilet, all over my car....I mean it's just endless, people. It's everywhere, and it's endless...that love....

Was that me talking?

So, I'm sitting here at the computer, while my daughter is blowing zerberts on my shoulder, mind you, just fascinated to what my typical topics of conversation have been reduced to. Let me brief you on the choice words of wisdom that this mother has uttered just today:

1. Please don't lick things that touch toilets.
2. They don't make tortilla chips flavored like pickles.
3. People at school don't want Christmas Cards on Valentine's day, even on other planets.
4. I guess you can eat it...does it taste rotten?
5. Only your brother touches his own naked butt.
6. Please keep your hands from smearing your boogers onto the car window.
7. Well, if your carrots taste like soap, you probably didn't rinse your hands...
8. Don't put that there, (under breath) even Sue Johanson would advise against it.
9. Why is there juice in the cat bowl and cat food in the toilet?
10. Most princesses cover their boobs. Pull your gown up!


I need a day off.