Hair today, gone tomorrow...

We have major hair issues in the house right now. It all started about 2 weeks ago. I was helping my son put some things away in his room, when it suddenly occurred to me that it was awful quiet in the house. Now, if you know my daughter, that realization would result in a desperate pace to find what's been broken, or painted or spilled or rubbed onto the wall. Silence in my house is NEVER good.
In any case, I started calling for my daughter, and didn't hear an answer...but I did find an open marker on the table. The most common M. O. for my daughter is, 1. Find marker, 2. Color entire face and rest of exposed skin, as well as a good part of clothing, 3. Hide. So I see this bright red marker on the table and think, "She colored herself." I put the marker away...no biggie. I'm used to going out with a child with marker all over her body. I'm not fazed by it one bit anymore. Purple child, doesn't bother me...polka dotted, orange, tempura-painted hair...so what.
So, I move the chair back....and there it is. A HUGE pile of long hair strands....and a pair of kiddie scissors laying right next to it. Well, now I realize that she's graduated from coloring herself to reshaping herself. I look under the table, and there she is, Joe Dirt herself. I do what every mother does when her daughter cuts off her beautiful, long hair....call for my husband to get the camera. This is material for the wedding slide show later!
It's been a while now, and I'm used to her short hairdo, the one we got after "the incident". But, since then, my son has joined into the "Let's make our hair as lame as possible" cult. 3 days ago, I gave my kids gum in the car. You know what's coming, I can see it all over your face. Yup. He was playing with the gum and got a big wad stuck on the back of his hair. I was not impressed, but yet again, not fazed. I was planning on giving him a haircut anyway. So, to add, yesterday he was getting ready in the bathroom on his own, which he is proud of doing, now that he is capable. But when he came out, one side of his hair looked crusty.

Me: "Did you brush your hair with your toothbrush?"

Kid: "uhhhh...a little bit..."

Me: "Was there toothpaste on the toothbrush?"

Kid: "A little bit...."

So, I'm standing at the museum with my kids today, looking at them. My daughter had been wearing a hat that was now removed and had exacerbated her "short bus do" enough to make her look "truly special" , and my son had a crusty, minty coiff, with a gumspot that was now attached to a big, fat lintball on the back of his head.

Seriously, I think I need a class or something.

The Good Housekeeping Mentor

Here is conversation I had with my kids whilst cleaning the playroom with them.

Son: Yuck..there's something sticky under the desk.

Me: Did you spill something there?

Son: Yup...in February...it was apple juice. (...Mind you it's March 9th!)

Me: Well, I have a soapy sponge right there...(motioning to bathroom sink) go ahead and squeeze it out and we'll clean it up

Son grabs sponge, squeezes it, then throws it back into the water, making a huge splash.

Me: Whoa! Let me get a towel. Squeeze out the sponge, do not throw it back in, just wipe up the sticky stuff

Daughter: I can clean with this...(pulls off the Hawaiian skirt she has stowed under her princess dress. ) It works like the car wash!

I come back in after grabbing a towel, and my daughter is standing in the bathroom sink full of soapy water, wearing only the Hawaiian skirt and scrubbing herself with the sponge.

...wonder why my house is messy?

Domestic Husbandry and the Like

SO, today is the day I've decided we're going to clean up the squalor. Our house is somewhat liveable, laundry and dishes are done on a regular basis, but it's all that other stuff that escapes me day to day. Our playroom, for example...is a breeding farm for dustbunnies. It has a cork floor and is a very small room. it also is the dumpsite for all of the daily clutter, junk mail, packets of dead trees that the teacher sends home from school and where my husband lets his brain vomit and die. So, when we let it go, we REALLY let it go. I've been moving the furniture to clean, and I swear the only thing missing is Easter eggs. I found a dust bunny cluster that was the size of my son's shoe! So, you could say I'm in charge of the dust bunny husbandry 'round here. And boy have they been breeding!
Then there is my daughter's room. I tidy it up about every 3 days, but I have no idea why. If you look in there right now, it looks like someone shoved all of the Disney Princesses in there, handed them a live grenade, and shut the door. BLAM! Cheap taffeta and satin everywhere..along with the crowns and wigs. I'll let you know when I finally excavate far enough to find the carpeting.
Then, there is that weird odor emanating from the fridge....it could be salami, but I'm certain it's not. I'm pretty sure that I'm aging some lovely gorgonzola without even trying.
Did I mention that I'm wearing my pajamas and it's after noon?

settling down now...

I 've found some yellow bananas, so I'm okay now...