...and BOOM! I was a Princess!

Potty training is the most important thing in the world! At least you would think so if you were the one who has to change the diapers after a hefty dinner of sausage pizza and veggies with garlic ranch dressing, or red pepper hummus over lemon spice pita chips and fish with dill butter and asparagus. I mean really....think about the most spicy, most garlicky, cheesy dinner you've ever had. Now think of the dump you took the morning after that meal...now think about taking that ol' dump, gift-wrapping it, and handing it to your mother. 'Nuf said?!

People for years and years have been trading secrets, selling gimmicks and passing on the oral tradition of toilet teaching to generations of young parents who are deperate to replenish nasal hair lost from inhaling hazmat-only toxins made from little Sally's fiery innerds. We try anything to make them poo in the pot...buy fancy charts, go broke over incentives, bribe, scold, plead, threaten legal action... anything to not have to wipe that poo up.

Aside from my daily battles surrounding our water closet (one is learning, and the other is too lazy to stop what he's doing and will hold it until the dam breaks!) I have friends dealing with potty procedure, hoping to end diapers all together. So, one friend has decided to tell her little one that she can phone any one of her heros to tell them what she did, to recieve congratulations and be praised for hitting the mark. I was happy to lend my services to my mama friend and be the "on-call voiceover artist" and be willing to be whoever the heck her daughter wanted me to be, whenever she did the deed.

SO...I'm in Trader Joe's.....everything surrounding the genital area seems to happen to me there. My two year old is taking all of the chocolate off of the display shelf and my 5 year old is asking me if he can carry the bag of pretzels to the car so he can inhale the entire thing. I'm trying to pay the nice clerk and my cell phone rings...

Jen: Hey, are you busy?

Me: Did she do it?

Jen: Yes, and she would love to speak to Cinderella, is Cinderella around?

Me: Lemme get her..(changes voice to wispy super-fem somewhat british voice) Hello?

Potty champ: Shindurella?

Me: Is this the "Potty Princess"?

Potty Champ: Yeeeeesh....(breathing hard whilst smiling..)

Me: Oh! I'm so delighted that you have become a REAL "Potty Princess". I'm simply so excited about this!

(my two year old tears of a wrapper from a chocolate bar from the display and begins eating it....wasn't really planning on buying that chocolate bar...)

Potty champ: (heavy breathing whilst smiling and giggling...)

Me: Well, I'll be having tea with the other princesses to talk all about how wonderful you're doing! You have made us all so proud!

(My son is asking where his chocolate bar is at this point while the checker is grinning and handing me a PILE of stickers and a receipt)

Jen: Thanks so much, Cinderella! My Potty Princess cannot wait to speak to you again! Well, be talking to you soon, hopefully...

Me: Hey, sure... (begin luring my children out of the store with the stickers and what little is left from the chocolate bar, while carrying a ball of foil that my chocolate covered daughter spit into my hand...what the?)

Jen: Talk soon!

Me: Okay!


Later...I had the opportunity to be Dora the Explorer (while my son was in the backgound yelling that I had lost my mind because I was not, in fact, Dora!) and Supergirl! After a few days of work and patience, no doubt, on the part of my dear friend, The Potty Princess was trained! Hallelujah! One less butt to wipe in the universe!