Crappy Birthday to Me!

Sorry to be so crass and use the word "crap" for a second entry in a row, but this is the way things sit in my life! First things first, I just want to apologize for being away for so long...trust me, I could have blogged about a gazillion things...I was on vacation at my parents and then in-laws homes, my kids had a birthday party..I spent countless hours in my car listening to "The Wiggles"....it's a miracle I can actually speak to you normally without having a flipping nervous breakdown. But here I am...and it is an important day...IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
I turn 37 today...yes, I am on a train with no brakes careening toward 40! I'm okay with that...it's middle ground. Oprah did say that 50 is the new 30...and my response is that 30 is the new 50, that's what I feel like with 2 small kids running around anyway. In some ways I feel as if I'm getting older...I have noticably aged since being 25, naturally, but I learn as I go. I know what balance is, or is supposed to be. I don't emotionally vomit on myself like I used to when I was young and dumb. More things seem to roll off my back. I'm more forgiving of others shortcomings, as well as my own. Drama is fun once in a while, but I don't subscribe to it as a daily lifestyle...just to much work. I hug more, I exercise more, I eat better, I sit and watch more, and I definately laugh more. Simpler things make me happy, like sitting on the back porch with my husband after the kids go to bed to have a beer together, or reading to my kids, or sitting on the floor of the kitchen in pajamas with my gremlins and playing eeny-meeny-miney-mo and blowing bubbles in our glasses of milk, or having good conversations with my favorite people anytime/anyplace. Life really couldn't be better...my body could, but oh well...

SO....now after telling you how great life is, you're probably wondering about the crappy reference in the blog title, right? Well, just like any other special day, crap reared it's ugly head to celebrate life with me! Wanna know when this last happened? Mother's Day! Yup, my then 4 and a half year old had an accident of the number 2 type right after my Mother's Day brunch so I was stuck in a sweaty stinky bathroom at the L.A. Farmer's Market/ Grove with poo-pants for 35 minutes, while my husband had to hunt for new underpants for my lovely boy.
Today was even better....

So, my son had a class while I sat in the car with my sleeping 2 year old daughter. A while later she woke up, so we went to spend the rest of the wait time in the waiting room where they have kiddie books and magazines for the mamas. We had been there for about 15 minutes and Baby Girl had walked back and forth from the bookshelf to the couch I was sitting in several times, had climbed into my lap, many times, sat next to me on the floor...just hanging out reading. Then, I noticed something. A weird smell..I had smelled it in the bathroom earlier..checked her diaper, nuthin'. Looked around, and it was EVERYWHERE...POOOOOOOP EVERYWHERE!!! About 8 chunky smears of it all over the carpet where Baby Girl was walking, it was all over the bottom of her shoes, the back of her skirt, on her ankles and legs, on my lap...I ALMOST PASSED OUT! What the heck! Give me a break people! SERIOUSLY!!!
At that point I asked the secretary if she had any Clorox wipes because we drug in some serious mess! So she smiled and handed me a container of bleach wipes, and as she turned the corner to see what she thought might be a small oops, her eyes almost almost fell out of her head! "ohhhhhhh....*inhale*sssss.....wow...hmmmm...." Can you tell she was proud of us? I could! So as I frantically begin wiping the hell out of Pasadena, I noticed it was all over the bottom of my shoes, MAJOR! Then as I turned around, another mother pointed out that it was all over the back of my dress, too! Okay! WHAT? ME? AAAH! We couldn't escape it! IT was trying to take over...The poop was trying to do us in! Oh my gravy! So as I'm cleaning and dragging my daughter to the bathroom to wash the buhjeezus out of our clothes and shoes and bodies, I had to breakdown and laugh...ay yay yay....this only happens to a couple people I know of...me and maybe, my sister-in-law....

Eventually the poo party ended, and as I was walking back to car and putting kids in carseats, there it was. A crap the size of Antartica next to the car, flattend by what looked like 2 sets of shoes. Yup....life is a pile of sh@t, so spead it around and laugh, people!